Ra.One (doesn't deserve a single star)

This blog post is almost a month late, but nevertheless. Not a proper review-review, but more like an opinion on the movie.

What is wrong with Shah Rukh Khan? Really, what is it that caused him to go ballistic enough to shove his latest film down our throats? For atleast a month before Ra.One released, all you could see on your TV, read in your daily newspaper, hear of the radio, taste in your Horlicks and smell in the air was Ra.One. Ra.One and more Ra.One. An assault on the senses, quite literally. If only, IF only dear SRK had spent ONE-TENTH of the publicity time on improving the storyline. IF. ONLY.

The first grouse I have with the movie is about the portrayal of South Indians. Oh, believe me, South Indians do NOT eat curd with noodles. No, we do NOT do power yoga. And god save me, we do NOT, do NOT say 'aiyyo' all the time! And it is quite amazing that a Dilliwala superstar (SRK), Bihari director (Anubhav Sinha) and a two North Indian scriptwriters (Kanika Dhillon and Mushtaq Sheikh) put all of their genius heads together and wrote a bunch of spit-in-your-face lame ass Southie jokes and etched a stupid stereotypical character who searches for his 'kiss' in a blonde's cleavage. That too in a kiddie movie. The only thing that stopped me from screaming out loud and stabbing myself in the chest was the curiosity to find out how lower Hindi cinema can get.

The plot is the fucking dumbest I've ever heard of. Even Popcorn Khao Mast Ho Jao was a better watch. Super-smartie-Southie-dad develops a badass villian in his new video game to impress his son who doesn't even bother to talk to him properly. Ironically, this badass villian kills him in a quest to find the son. The super-dumb mother and son then drive their car recklessly all around London trying to escape from him (Duh, woman, don't you know? He has superpowers for Chrissakes!). The villian is just about to catch them when enter G.ONE, with his goody-goodness radiating out of his ass and saves the hysterical mother-son duo. Shit-scared, the mother wants to go back to India and takes the robotic hero back with her, replete with piercings on all parts of his body, even objectionable ones. In India, they shed 'water+NaCl', dance to Akon at Karva Chauth in South India (globalisation, here come thou!) and indulge in all sorts of antics in varying degrees of idiocies.

And don't even get me talking about the climax. I will puke right then and there on the irritating non-father-respecting kid's long hair. (What's with the hairstyle man?)

Don't get me wrong, I am SRK's biggest fan ever. I have been in love with him for 15 long years (I'm 17 now). I've loved every one of his movies till date and my ideal man is Raj Malhotra of DDLJ. His dimples make me weak-kneed and whenever he spreads his arms I want to bury myself in them. But what SRK missed out (in his own quest to become every Indian kid's superhero) was, quoting Spidey's uncle Ben, 'With great power, comes great responsibility.'

Now, SRK, you are India's biggest superstar. With that tag, we expect some level of responsibility from you. We truly loved your effort in revamping sci-fi in India and taking it to new levels. You could have worked at making it more bearable.

Nevertheless, we are willing to forgive this debacle of yours. Do better, sweetheart. We expect more from you.

P.S. An even better review

Delhi Belly *** 1/2

Indian cinema has finally come of age. And the average Indian viewer is ever so grateful to the Censor Board, who is gracious enough to acknowledge that he/she is mature enough to watch films peppered with swear words and sexual references and enjoy them too. By definition, Delhi Belly is a traveller's diarrhea, usually caused by street food (read: contaminated). And this is very disease and its after effects forms the crux of the aptly titled film.

The film opens with three flatmates Tashi (Imran Khan; unimpressive), Arup (Vir Das; awesome. Watch out for his voice) and Nitin (Kunaal Roy Kapur; best of the lot), who live in a dingy Delhi flat with no water, or for that matter, peace of mind. Tashi is confused - he is due to get married in a month and still doesn't know whether his girlfriend (Shenaz Treasury) is the one. Arup is frustrated with life - his girlfriend has dumped him and his boss' idea of creativity is making him sketch a smiling banana, while Nitin, after wolfing down chicken from a street vendor, battles a bad case of the Delhi Belly. Oh, and in case life wasn't bad enough, they now have a gangster behind their blood, and must find a way to get out of all this mess. Yes, baby, shit happens.

The movie is funny, fast-paced, short, unpretentious, and manages to keep you captivated till the very end. Certain scenes/dialogues simply leave their mark, like the one in which Nitin comments about Tashi's new car (When a donkey screws a rickshaw, this is what you get) or the one in which Arup, tries to cover the CCTV screen from the policeman (in a burqa!). Newcomer Poorna Jagannathan is simply amazing, and Shenaz Treasury chips in well too. Overall, a must watch movie! DO. NOT. MISS. IT.

Rio ****

I absolutely love, love, love animated movies. Although I am still a kid at heart, such movies make me feel like I am eight again, at the grand old age of sixteen. I know, teenagers are supposed to scoff at kiddie movies, but y'know, still a kid, always a kid. Anyhow, I promised The Brat that I would take her to watch Rio, and the three of us (Mommy included) went to watch the movie.

It is a cute film, about a witty little birdie called Blu (a Blue Macaw, voiced superbly by Jesse Eisenberg), raised by a girl Linda since she was ten. They both are safely encased in Minnesota, in perfectly blissful lives until Linda is informed that Blu is the last surviving Blue Macaw on this earth, and must be taken to Rio De Janeiro to allow him to mate with the last female member of the species.

Despite protests from Blu, Linda convinces him that they should be doing this in order to allow his species to survive. In the process, Blu meets Jewel (Anne Hathaway), a fiercely independent bird, who scorns his inability to fly, and the fact that he likes being a pet. While they are left alone to mate, and the geeky scientist dude and Linda go out for a date, evil bird Nigel and his master kidnap both the birds and chain them.

In a series of hilarious sequences (now I understand why the movie was made in 3D - only 3D could do justice to those sequences!), Blu and Jewel manage to escape, and land in a jungle, from where Jewel wants to fly away and Blu wants to go back to Linda. They have to battle gyrating monkeys, pecky woodpeckers, evil birds, and equally evil humans. Can they make it?

On the whole, it is a must watch for both, adults and kids.

New Movies

Not really in a mood to review them critically, but this is a list of movies I watched recently.

Juno - Amazingness. Loved it. It is a rather sensitive depiction of a teenage pregnant girl, and the situation is not that dramatic either. Instead in this one, she has the support of both the parents, plus instead of aborting the baby, she decides to give it to some childless couple. Worth a watch. Very nice. And i like the climax, in which she and her boyfriend play the guitar. Ends in a very nice and unconventional way.

Final Destination III - Not a conventional horror movie, but it scared the hell out of me. Gory, and mysterious. A teenage girl has visions of a roller coaster crashing, and persuades some of the dudes to get off it. But mysteriously, they start dying in the order they sat on the ride. And the pictures provide a clue as to how the rest of them are gonna die. Ooh. Scary much.

A Lot Like Love - Not a bad watch. I watched it only for Ashton Kutcher. Otherwise, it isn't much of a good movie. Average.

Father of The Bride - Hilarious, sensitive, awesome, reality-stricken. Though it is a 20 year old movie, I still recommend watching it. For all the girlies, watch it with your father. My dad is exactly like Steve Martin in the movie, and both of us had an awesome time watching it.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 : Teen chick flick. I love. It is a worthy successor to the prequel. Lovely film.

Titanic: Sighs. My favourite one. Nothing much to be said apart from that.

And I have to watch these movies. I have them recorded, but yet to watch them. Pakka promise, I'll watch and post them.

Maid in Manhattan

The Karate Kid

Life is Beautiful

Eurotrip

Cast Away

Batman

Mission Impossible I II III

Crazy/Beautiful

High School Musical

Ah, I'm a typical teenager now. I saw High School Musical 3: Senior Year, and I totally loved it. Vanessa Hudgens is very sweet and lovable, and Zac Efron - wait I need to breathe properly - is freaking awesome! He's very cute, and the hottest hunk ever! Both of them make a very beautiful couple - watch out for the song Can I have a dance. As the title proclaims, it is a musical - full of lovely songs and dances to watch out for, set in a high school environment.

It is based on how kids, in their senior year, are grappling with career choices and are still struggling to come to terms with the fact that in a few days, they will be off to college, leaving behind their world, friends, and family. Also, they have to perform a musical based on the senior Prom. Lovely, lovely film. Must watch for all kids, and adults alike.

I have to mention here, the movie is completely watchable, even with parents, unlike most Hollywood movies. Save for one kissing scene, it is the kind of movie that doesn't make you wince uncomfortably every five minutes. Amazingness.

Movies galore

I just realized how I am lagging behind with this blog. The other one, has 49 posts and this one has 30 less. OK, 29 less. Anyway, I mostly save my rantings about life for that one, and movies for this one. I have reduced my movie-watching a bit nowadays, thanks to Mommy dearest, but yes, I did manage to get a few done. And there's lots. I'm afraid I can't write full fledged reviews, but I shall surely do as and when I manage to scrimp a little time.

Saving Private Ryan

Lots of blood, action, skin, and gore. Not typically my stuff, but this was part of my research on the 'Why guys are so weird' thesis. And as I have readily testified on so many occasions, I find fighting very sexy. This movie, is an Oscar-winning one, and no doubt, Tom Hanks - amazing. He salvages most sagging movies with his performances, and enhances the good ones. And the theme was off-beat. Not the typical movie about how soldiers face hardships and how they miss the family and the after-effects of war, though this does form an integral part of the story. It is about how eight men reluctantly set out on a mission to find a soldier who has lost all his brothers in the war, and they must find him, for his mother does not have any body else to fall back on. It is about selflessness, and about Ryan promising to live his life well - six men have given up theirs for his. I particularly liked the last scene - in which the veteran Ryan visits Miller's (Hanks) grave and tells his soul, that he has earned it, and lived a good life.

Bride Wars

Frilly, frothy, bitchy and very enjoyable. We all love a good fight, don't we? As long as we're not in the middle of it! And every one enjoys a cat-fight, and this movie is just about that. Childhood friends Emma (Hathaway, very pretty) and Liv (Hudson, bitchy and ruthless) turn into foes when forced to share the same date, time and venue for their respective weddings. Both are unwilling to compromise, or see the other's point of view. And this leads to a series of Bride Wars, in which both of them try their best to sabotage each other's weddings - including tanning the other orange, and colouring hair blue. If I were any of their wedding, I would be scared - very scared.

A perfect chick-flick, to watch with your girlfriends.

Princess Diaries

Anne Hathaway is at it again. She is perfect as the clumsy high-school teen who transforms into the graceful princess. It tells us how she copes with the sudden catastrophe thrust on her - as she slowly starts to drift from her best friends and family. It tells us how she manages to savour the best of both worlds - as a world-famous royal, as well as the regular high school teen. At one moment, she addresses a press conference in her long gown and tiara, while the other, she gets hit by a ball in her gym class. On the whole, very sweet and girly movie. Fun to watch.

Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji ***

Love grows. Men don't. The promotional catchline for the film aptly describes the theme. Madhur Bhandarkar, known mostly for his hard-hitting and realistic portrayals of popular culture themes, scores with this one. Though he has ventured outside his comfort zone, he manages to strike well. Dil Toh Baccha Hai Ji is a funny, yet realistic depiction of urban life situations and people, and at a close look, about three men, who are on a loser's streak in their love life. Naren Ahuja (Ajay Devgn, perfect as the geek) is seeking a divorce from his wife, and moves into his ancestral house to start afresh. To dispense pangs of loneliness, he finds two paying guests to move in with him -Abhay, or Abby (Emraan Hashmi), a womaniser, who is involved with a former beauty queen as her toyboy, and Milind (Omi Vaidya, a delight to watch), who works with Jhatpatshaadi.com, a matrimonial site, and is on the quest for true love.

Things take a turn when Naren meets pretty young thing June, in his office, working as his intern. Milind, on a night spouting shayari, falls for Gungun, a radio jockey and a struggler. Both of them with initial apprehension, plow along, and slowly start falling in love. As for Abhay, dilemma appears in the form of Nikki, Anushka's stepdaughter, whom he falls in love with. What happens when a 38 year old man, facing mid-life crisis, falls for a young 19 year old; or a naive bumbling idiot hankers behind a gold-digger, form the crux of the story.

The film is well-scripted and made, and edited well. Certain scenes simply leave their mark, like the one in which Shruti Haasan proclaims that she loves watching pornography, or the one in which Ajay Devgn tries hard to fit in with a bunch of teenagers. About the performances, Ajay Devgn is as usual, good. He plays the part of the geek to the hilt. Emraan Hashmi has nothing new to offer. Omi Vaidya, however, is a delight to watch on the screen. He is cute, naive, bumbling, and very adorable. His dialogue delivery, with its particular accent, is endearing. Shazahn Padamsee was passable, though very cute and lovable. Shruti Hassan has a striking screen presence, though with weak dialogue delivery, and is unimpressive in this one. Newcomer Shraddha Das does okay too.

Madhur Bhandarkar has certainly done well for a first-time comedy. The film may not be an in-your-face comedy, but is sure worth a watch.